i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
