im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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