she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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