it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
