Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
