Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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