maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
