i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
