I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
