Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
