you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
