We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
