Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
