Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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