Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
