You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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