What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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