Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
