dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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