Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
