"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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