im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
