so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
