Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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