Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Terrible idea I love it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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