i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
