Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
