During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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