im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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