12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
