apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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