remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
