The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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