At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
