I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
