me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i believe in u and ur pee
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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