My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
