the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The uberlube is also flammable
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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