Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
