i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
