I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
