i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
