Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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