Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
