You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
