she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
