She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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