I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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