??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
