he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When did angry sex become our thing?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
