Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
