I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
