So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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